People are leaving or changing churches at a record pace—when should we NOT leave a church?

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Ghosting happens at churches every Sunday. Pastors are confused as to why someone has disappeared or why they started attending elsewhere. Process has been violated.

We should never leave a church unannounced.

We should never decide on our own to announce that we are leaving a church.

We should always allow for extended time to discuss the possibility of leaving a church—and openness to staying—with the leader.

Unity around the mission of the church is something Satan cannot risk. The moment people lock arms, take their positions and unify with the Great Commission in front of them, it’s over. He’s done.

An opposing spirit, a spirit of independence, is convincing Christians that it’s time to take control of their lives and forsake the call to gather as the Ekklesia. We must repent, and we must return to position and get ready to move as the alarm sounds.

While there are (rare) times to move from one church to another, I want to share five reasons NOT to leave.

ONE: WHEN YOU DON'T FIT IN

My children would never leave the Burton family if they struggled to fit in, if they were misunderstood or if they were having a bad season of life. My wife wouldn’t either, nor would I. If we see the church as a part of the service industry like McDonald’s or Wal-Mart, we will end up leaving if we don’t feel welcomed or served. However, God plants us in a covenant family, not a shopping center.

What most people really mean when they say, “I don’t fit in at this church,” is that they aren’t enjoying themselves. Possibly, they feel rejected. I find it disturbing when rejection causes people to leave a church when rejection is what propelled Jesus to die and launch the church. Remember, the church isn’t to be there for us as much as we are to be there for the church. The mission of the church is demanding and not always enjoyable and we must be in position ready to work. I guarantee anybody who approaches leadership and offers to serve in the nursery or by cleaning the church would absolutely fit in. Their serving heart makes a place for them.

TWO: WHEN IT'S EASIER FOR YOU TO CONNECT WITH GOD ELSEWHERE

I know this may be a shock, but the primary purpose of the church isn’t to make it easy for you to connect with God. If we understand this, a million arguments against staying at your church will instantly disappear. It’s our job, individually, to develop intimacy with Jesus. If we are dependent on a pastor, worship leader or others to nurture our relationship with Jesus, we’re in big trouble.

Take fire that you’ve cultivated in your own time into the corporate gathering and burn hot. Serve well. Get into position, lock arms, serve the vision and advance the mission.

THREE: THE LEADERS AREN'T DOING THINGS THE WAY I THINK THEY SHOULD

Many people believe leaders should make it easy for people to follow them. I disagree. Church leaders are mandated to lead people into some of the most challenging, risky and costly missions the world has ever known. People should actually make it easy for church leaders to lead them.

People made it hard for Moses to lead them into the Promised Land and they died. They made it easy for Joshua to do the same, and they dominated.

The demand of the people can be so strong sometimes that pastors and leaders forsake their mission. They end up pleasing the people instead of God.

We need to repent for putting inappropriate expectations on leadership.

(Of course, I'm talking about paradigm differences, not severe situations like abuse or other such violations.)

FOUR: WHEN ANOTHER CHURCH HAS BETTER PROGRAMS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

We should never choose a church based on what we can get out of it. We are actually assigned by God himself to serve and build it.

My definition of religion is: Man’s attempt to use God to get what he wants.

When we expect to gain from the church ahead of sacrifice, we are embracing the same spirit that killed Jesus. The spirit of religion wanted to use Jesus for personal gain.

While it's okay to desire your family to thrive spiritually, we put too much emphasis on the church's role. Remember, we are to serve as soldiers in the church, not use it to fulfill our own spiritual desires.

“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

FIVE: WHEN GOD TELLS YOU TO

Have you ever played the God card?

As a leader I’ve heard many times, usually through the grapevine, that, “God told so and so to move to another church.”

Really? That’s odd. I was entrusted as their leader, which is a very serious position, and God just forgot to tell me about this? He left me out of the loop? Maybe Hebrews 13:17 isn’t what we think it is? The church I'm leading isn't important enough for people to honor the mission? They just left because, “God told them to?”

The point is this—most always, God wouldn’t just tell you to leave without your leader being involved in the process. In fact, can I just be blunt? It’s extremely disrespectful, presumptuous, rude and self-serving to abdicate your responsibility in your current church by leaving without honoring the authority in your life. Your pastor has every right to participate with you in your process.

Yes, God may have called you to move on, but there is extensive process required before you do so. An independent spirit would tell you that nobody but God has any say in the matter. That's simply not scriptural. There is too much at stake to drop balls by leaving inappropriately.

The mission is too great, and you are too important to lose to greener grass somewhere else in town.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (ESV) ¹² We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, ¹³ and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.